Skreamer, a set on Flickr.Skreamer @ The Garage, London - 12/7/14

Skreamer, a set on Flickr.

Skreamer @ The Garage, London - 12/7/14
Silas, a set on Flickr.Silas @ The Garage, London - 12/7/14

Silas, a set on Flickr.

Silas @ The Garage, London - 12/7/14

All things come to an end, even bad things…

So my relationship has ended after six months. I have been taken for a ride. Turns out he is narcissistic and was using his best friends death as an excuse to push me away.

The only reason he broke it off is cos I told him what I felt was going on, which was my mental health was getting worse cos of him being ‘depressed’ or more of an arsehole and as he put it, he was in ‘shock’. Narcissists don’t like hearing the truth from the other person. He first promised we’d go on break, but that was just to make it easier for him to break it off with me at some point. I tried reasoning with him, but it was like talking to a brick wall.

It hurt for a while, but someone spelt it out for me, what he was and what he was doing and now my depression and anxiety are at ease and thanks to being with friends I have my confidence back.

Only thing is I don’t think I could move on again for a while. I really loved him. Well the fake side of him. When his true self was coming out, I was feeling so ashamed and he even embarrassed me a bit. He kept breaking promises and usually he was only trying to get me into bed. I made sure it was only when I wanted to. I wouldn’t let him control me.

I had seen him since the break up, which was at a pub we both are fond of, he didn’t stick around for more than a minute. He definitely knew I was there. I feel a lot of anger and our paths cross again, I don’t know what I’d do.

Over a month to go!

Over a month to go!

Black Noise, a set on Flickr.@blacknoisenoise at Red Lion Stevenage - 26/6/14
Black NoiseBlack NoiseBlack NoiseBlack Noise

Black Noise, a set on Flickr.

@blacknoisenoise at Red Lion Stevenage - 26/6/14

Self destruction

How did it come to this… Been dating a manic depressive and didn’t know til a few weeks ago. I knew he was depressed, just didn’t know it was medical. He lost his best friend he knew for a long long time and now he’s pushing me and many others away to cope with his illness and drowning his sorrows with alcohol. It just makes me sad how people can waste their lives away when they’re still living and have a lot going for them… A great job, a relationship, many friends. None of it means anything anymore just after a few months.

I really hope he will see the light and seek help, other wise, I hate to say it, he will be heading to an early grave himself and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, friend or foe. It’s not the way to go. But I guess it’s a behaviour some can’t control when depressed. It’s more than an illness, it’s a life destroyer. I know, iv been there, but I didn’t drink, I did something about it. He just hasn’t found the strength I suppose.

At the end of the day, I just want him to get better and I want him back in my life as before.

I love him, even if he can’t feel it himself.
I love him.


@blacknoisenoise at Silver Bullet London - 6/6/14


@Blacknoisenoise at Silver Bullet London - 6/6/14